We all have judged parents with kids that throw tantrums in public places up until we ourselves become one. Only a parent knows the hardships and everyday dilemmas that come with parenting! Bad News: there is no set rulebook you can follow when it comes to parenting. Good News: there is no perfect way to raise a child. What we can do as parents is give our best towards modeling them into kind, moral & thoughtful humans. Here are Top 10 Tips to help out all the modern-day parents out there.

  1. Quality Time & Communication: We all are so busy in our lives these days that slipping a phone or tablet has become the easiest way to manage and distract the child. Recent studies have shown this is literally worse than hooking them to cocaine even. It’s a convenient solution yes, but a really harmful one. Take time out on a daily basis when you switch off all your devices and just spend some quality uninterrupted time with your kids, whatever duration you can manage given your routine. We all know the importance of communication and it has only become more important in this modern world to keep an open channel of free communication with your kids. We must take out time to talk to them about relevant things and more importantly hear them out. If your child doesn’t express him/herself much, start communicating with some simple questions and then simply maintain this routine and surely your child will come through. This will ensure whatever good or bad comes their way, they know they can share, express & discuss it with you.
  2. No Screaming and/or Spanking: It’s understandable to feel the need to yell at your kids when they are driving you mad which they will on a daily basis, but we need to remember at those times that screaming is of absolutely no help and will in no way change their behavior or understanding of right and wrong. Spanking and hitting kids is even worse. It does not help in correcting their mistakes, instead it makes them fearful and frustrated and next time they will just try not to get caught while repeating the same pattern. It will also teach them that issues/situations are resolved with violence. Instead try and solve issues with your kids with logical teachings and positive reinforcements.
  3. Focus On The Positives: Like in any other facet of our lives, parenting also requires constant focus on the positives for us to get it right. Think praise rather than punishment. Applaud them everytime they get it right instead of yelling everytime they don’t. Set small and simple incentives and rewards to encourage good behavior like an extra bedtime story or extra time at the park. Never incentivize with materialistic things like toys and gifts. And at times when they don’t get it right teach them that its ok to be wrong sometimes as far as they understand it and don’t repeat it.
  4. Follow Through On Consequences: We often find ourselves in situations where we set limits for our kids but fail to follow through on them. Simple examples like only one ice cream or else none for entire month or just 15 more minutes of playtime or none for next 2 days but we slip up and don’t really follow through out of love, convenience or other reasons. This in fact teaches them that they can get away with anything and that actions do not have consequences. Therefore, its important to set realistic limits that we know we will follow and then actually see them through so our kids learn from the very beginning that they are responsible for their own actions and what follows.
  5. Be A Role Model: Our children learn more through observation than any other classroom or books so make sure that you give them a good role model to observe and learn from. For example, if we want them to limit their screen time, we shouldn’t be addicted to our screens especially when the kids are around. Don’t just tell them what they should and shouldn’t be doing, show it to them and let them learn by example.
  6. Chores & Responsibilities: Its important to inculcate a sense of responsibility in kids from an early age. We must figure out chores that they are capable of handling on their own, however simple they maybe. We must guide them wherever needed and when they successfully finish these chores it will also give them a sense of pride and confidence.
  7. Safety & Security: We need to let our kids know that we love and accept them as they are and will support them in everything that they do. Just telling them this repeatedly won’t help, we need to show it to them with our actions. Parents should be sensitive towards their kids’ needs and responsive to their signals. This will not only let them know that their parents are a safe haven for them but will also assist in their emotional and mental development. This will further help them cope well with increasing pressures like peers, bullies, academic etc.
  8. Guide Them, Don’t Control or Micromanage: The worst thing any parent can do for their kids is to try and control them and their actions, right from what they eat to what they wear. This cuts their confidence, lowers their decision-making instincts as well as inhibits a free growth environment. We parents usually tend to underestimate our kids and their capabilities, or don’t have the patience and time for it or simply out of our oozing love for them, we don’t let them attempt things, chores & situations they can handle on their own. We must give them a chance, they might not get it right the first few times, but how will they ever if we micromanage everything for them.
  9. Handle Stress Well: When a parent yells at or spanks a kid it’s mostly them taking their own emotions and frustration out on the kid, simply coz they can. No parent wants to do it or is proud of it. We simply need to handle our stress well and be aware of our actions when dealing with our kids. If we take some time out for meditation or activities that make us feel good and calmer, we will be in a position to handle our stress better and will most likely not transfer it to our kids.
  10. Your Well-Being & Relationships: We tend to put all our kids’ needs before us ignoring our own including our health and overall well-being. What we forget is that if our own health will deteriorate with time how will we be there for our kids? Instead they will have to adjust their lives and ambitions around for unwell parents. We must also pay attention towards keeping our spousal relations strong and healthy as that not only sets an example for them when it comes to relationships, but also effects them directly growing up.As far as you are doing your best and following these basic tips, fret not you are on the right track to raising compassionate & confidents kids.

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